My Life Story

I seem to have people all the time telling me I should write my story.  Some have said it would be a great self help book, to help others that may go through what I have. 

Today I stopped into Half Price Books and looked in the self help section.  I was actually looking for a particular author, but I as I started looking through all the titles I noticed there really are no books there for what my life looks like.  It seems I have always been looking for a book that describes my life, something I can relate to.  It just doesn’t exist on those bookshelves.  There are books on divorce…. Okay, I’ve done that… Lots of books on dealing with children, emotions, aging parents, sibling rivalry, and the list goes on and on.  There are no books on how to deal with the fact that I lost my husband and three youngest children all in one day.  There was no car accident, no major catastrophe that killed my family, although there was a great tragedy that has separated us and has changed all our lives drastically.

Then I come home and my Bible is laying there and as I pick it up I remember all the dysfunctional families there were in that book.  David, in all his great king-ness, had an affair and had the husband killed and incest consumed his family. Joseph, as a young boy, was taken from his family and not reunited until they were all adults.  Job suffered many, many losses and even when he was made fun of and ridiculed and given bad advice by friends, he knew who God was and kept the faith.  There are so many stories of sibling rivalry, depression, stealing, lying; everything that a person could imagine is in the Bible.  Jesus was mocked, spit upon and told to defend the lies that had been told about Him, but He stayed silent and was crucified, even though innocent. 

I guess there is a self help book for me.  There hasn’t been anything that I have gone through that I haven’t been able to pick up my Bible and read something that I can use to get through a day, an hour, a moment….  It’s all there, my life and what I have gone through.  I have no doubt this is the best self help book ever!  It comes so alive for me when I am at my deepest low, I know that someone many years ago, has felt the way I do, had the same emotions, the same question of “God, why me?”  Even Jesus asked His Father why He had forsaken Him.  So if I ask it, I know I’m in good company!! 

So, there is a Book about my life, my story as lived through men and women that have suffered great losses and tragedies, but who remained faithful and followed the same God that I do.  They trusted the same God, the One that lives and allows His Son, Jesus, to hold me so close that I can feel His heart beating with mine and carries me in a way that I feel His breath on the top of my head.  When I read my Self Help Book, I am led to stories about these men and women and am told, “See, you aren’t alone”. 

Will I ever write a book about my life?  I don’t know, but in the meantime, I’ll continue to recommend the Self Help Book of my choice, the one that has already been written about my life.   The Bible.

**The papercutting is what I call a "paperdoodle".  I just saw one of my daughter's reading, doodled it and cut it.**

This papercutting is of my son, Kinzington, when he caught his first fish. 

He had a whole can of worms and he was so afraid to pick one up to bait the hook that he was dancing around all over the place, not wanting to touch them.  Then Grampa came over and, with me standing close and watching, encouraging, Grampa said, “Kinzy, just calm down and we can do this.”  My father in law very carefully, with so much patience, helped him to not be afraid, to put the worm on the hook, cast the reel and land it carefully in the water.  

Then he caught that little fish, but Grampa said it’s small, he shouldn’t keep it.  But, in his eyes, it was this huge largemouth bass, he couldn’t let it go, he called it, “MINE!”  Grampa finally convinces him, in only logic that he can have, that it would be better for him to give it back so that God can take care of it. So, with little 4 year old tears, my son put the fish back into the water and asked God to take care of it.  He learned he had to trust God that it would be okay.

Sometimes my problems seem enormous, insurmountable, and unsolvable!!  I have this quote by Ashleigh Brilliant that says, “It’s not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line”.   Everything seems to hit at once.  They are my can of worms.  I am dancing around, afraid to deal with them.

God has given me wonderful friends that He speaks through.  Depending on the situation, this couple seems to be like my father in law and me, one will stand close, watching and encouraging while the other tells me, “Robin, just calm down and you can do this.”  They then help me to not be afraid, put the worm on the hook, cast my reel and land it carefully in the water. 

Then I get this problem and even though it's small, I want to keep it; I want to say, “MINE!”  With so much patience, my friends remind me that I have to give it to God so that He can take care of it.  Quite often, through grown up tears, I place it gently in my Lord’s hands and ask Him to take care of it, that I just can’t keep it.  I have to trust God that everything will be okay.

Oh, the times that I have thought some small, little fish was really a largemouth bass!  I thought the little problem was “MINE”, too big, even for God.  My humanness takes over and thinks if I hold onto it long enough, it will be okay.  I am so thankful that I have friendships that God is the center of so that I can hear His voice when they speak.  To remind me that I can’t keep it, I need to trust that it will be okay, if only I give the problem to Him to take care of.